Story

I'm sitting on the roof of thirteen story building and I admire the infinite expression of the sky at sunset. A light gust of wind blows in my hair 

and the last rays of the sun are still on my face.

I like from time to time stay alone with my solitude 

and with endless pile of thoughts in my head.

During the last month I read the mass of books, 

lots of novels, a few stories …

Full of thoughts written on paper, dreams, fantasies and hopes.

Tangibly spent time with a story in hand, every evening, 

on the balcony with the quiet rustle of leaves of trees.

In some way I am happy, but sad, at the same time 

when I spend time like this, every day. Although I love the 

so spending the afternoon and evenings, 

I can not wait to return to my friends, 

to the colorful stalls of the annual festival 

and to my unfinished little place on earth.

Apart from these few moments of happiness which I hope, 

waiting for me with my back home, 

I must also confront a number of very important issues that will 

impact on the history of my future.

Please, wish me success...

Sky

When I look up,
by the balcony balustrade,
I marvel how many skies have colors.
Beauty of the world is not hidden in its recesses,
but stands before us at your fingertips.
You just need to get up early enough, to see it  ;d.

So maybe we should use it in other areas of life?
Early enough make some decisions,
faster than usual break something,
or equally fast start ... conversation? relations?
Maybe it should be, or am I wrong ...
Everyone surely will assess this at his the time...

Another boring existence

Another sad moment.
Another empty day.
Hopelessness of the world around me.
Boring afternoon is coming to me, like a nightmare from last night.
I feel like I could rely on silence ... solitude.

Friend...

Trustee. Do you have someone, to whom you can tell everything without exception?
Honestly, without inhibitions?
I have.
No matter how painful are my words. These words are always honest, 
if there comes a time and need to express not only their own opinions, but we try to protect one of the most important, more dear person in your life, 
who you meet on your life way. They need to be like that.
And although by these words yours threads can be interrupted, wading further into the recesses of his emotions and you express them, as they are so real.
Because they must be such.
Although many in my life I told to these people.
Many painful things. They are still here.
With me. They support me.
Assure me that I can still count on them.
Why? I don't know.
I have no idea ...

Love...

Today I heard from Paulina that ''it's funny how the world would mean nothing without love'' 
 is one of the verses in the song which she has recently shared with me.
Whether through love and the relationship with someone are we happier?
Sometimes the knowledge with someone gives us much hope, we want to experience some feelings and emotions, but this does not always go hand in hand with ''happiness''.
All unresolved issues and ignored the problems come to light and then, none of us are not too happy with that.
It's not just about honesty, or lack of communication.
We can talk with someone a few hours a day, we never feel that we have exhausted all the topics, even the time to time we remain silent, and even then it won't be that, what we want.
But love shows us a certain area of ​​life which are inherent to our existence.
Love ...
Is it possible to love someone, with who you know that we won't be together?
Can this be called platonic love? Love at a distance? Or unreachable love?
Sometimes I feel I've got to run away,
I've got to get away from love which we share.
Even if I know it wasn't on real.
This is terrible...
How can I run away from something which is not exist ?
Looking at it from my point of view, it was always me, who gives the pain to another person. Through words and gestures.
Even if I regret, I cannot fix it, because I know that if I tried to make it, it will be more complicated.
I hurt a few people, even if I don't wanted to. I still care about them, but each in a different way, and none of them as, I can't  specify as my love.
Because if I did that, I would hurt them, and also I failed myself.
My decide to remain stable, and I hope i just stick all the way to it ... 
Well we will see ...


A couple of mentions of the notes - thoughts, dedicated to Pauline, through which sometimes I can sort out a few things in my mind ... 
Thank you, that you are when I need you.

Window

Sitting on the windowsill do you ever wondered about the falling rain,
warm rays touching your face or about wandering clouds of the sky?
Do you thought over the whisper of wind or people walking in the street?
Do you ever watched the reflection in the window glass in front of you?
I always thought, and still do, that the eyes are the mirror of the soul.
Eyes can show everything about another person,
but also can show all about us.
It's just a matter of time and feeing...
Unfortunately, not everyone can see the simplest case, and that's sad.
Even if we stood in front of someone and showed him the finger,
what lies before him, he still will not notice it.
Many things do not see in everyday life.
Passing down the street, talking with friends,
sitting on a park bench and looking at other we don't see this things.
We are a small dot in the big world, like a drop in the ocean ...
But we're still here and that is what counts.

New chapter

I sit, I close my eyes, I feel a warm breeze on my face, rays of the sun...
I hear music and wonder how it will be for a year.
Will I have a moment to just sit back and enjoy the first rays of the summer?
Will could I sit back and feel calm and emptiness which fills me ...
enormity of the world ... like now?
Or maybe I will not no longer here. Darkness dream come true from
my subconscious and the disease finally won.
I do not know, parents do not know, the doctors also...
And I am just sitting here and stare at the clouds which leaving the sky
and I am waiting for new rays of the sun... new life.

dream ...

Today I had a dream. I dreamed that I leave the room to the lobby, in a big, beautiful home.

This passage was very long. I wanted to go to the other end, but as I walked,

it felt that I still stand in the same place.You had once a dream, where you run down the hall, and he extended as soon as you tried to run fast?
It's something similar.

I felt so small and helpless ... hopeless.

Sometimes our desire is so great how long is this corridor, and we can not satisfy the expectations,

because there is always something we bother to go to the other side.

We stand in the splace ...

...

Do any of you believe in destiny?
The life that we are written, the fate that awaits us?
'Everything will work out.' - some people say. 'Do not worry, no one knows what awaits him.' - others are saying. And I think myself that none of them have no idea what is really controlling our lives.
Do any of you have your life goal? 'Be happy' - but what does it give you happiness? Have a family, good works, a German Shepherd and a house in Hawaii ...
No, this is not what I mean.
Do you know what you carried in your life?
What gives you strength for the next day?
If you have something like this, you have to give thanks to someone up there ... because even I start to lose my faith and hope, after these walks in the emotional desert ...

First page...

Do you ever think about ... life?
Do you ever want to see world through the eyes of someone else?
Now, when I sit on my window sill, on the top 6th floor, and watch an old, gloomy and sad city, with some colorful lights in the background, I wonder what really makes sense for me ...
Life ... family, friends, love? None of these things does not really exist ... it is false to some degree. It's sad how lonely you can feel surrounded by people who are around you...

don't you think?

Someone on one day, told me:

'Life is brutal, full of pitfalls and sometimes gives you a kick in the ass.'

And I say now: Not sometimes but every day...